A story of the Lonely

We were the Mulvaneys

Have you ever read a book that was written for you? I am not being emotional here but i just think that “ We were the Mulvaneys “ by Joyce Carol Oats was written for me. Its a book about a family torn apart by this world’s unendurable circumstances. It is told in the perspective of the youngest son who at the present time finally understood the reasons of their family’s separation.

On valentines day, something happened to the the only girl in the family. She was raped by a senior in school on her school prom. And from that time on, their family changed. Their outlook in life and how they dealt with it changed with them. They became so distant with each other and it is as if their was a written rule not to talk about their sister who was sexually abuse.

No one in the family knew the real reason why this happen. Well, come to think about it, no one ever know the real reason for such circumstances to happen. It just happens with time. That is the most depressing part of life, things happen and one would not even recognized that it does.

There are secrets in the family. Unlike secrets that usually gets spilled, these secrets are kept until the earliest surviving descendants of the family accidental learns about from an old dairy perhaps.

The thing that bothers me the most is the fact that no matter how hard you try to accept the surface of the situations in the family, you know that something is hidden; secrets that are not meant to be learned by you. Consequently, you end up understanding things the wrong way.

It is so hard to understand something at the surface. You get cruel to the villains told from second hand story tellers. But then you see family members accepeting these witches like princesses and princes in fairy tales.

If only life is as transparent as a glass bottle,  we wouldn’t be as close minded as we are today. But i guess even a glass battle has curves and shadows that you would not be able to decipher. Sigh!

i don’t like to stop working. i just like to make myself busy with everything; speed up my momentum with school work. i don’t like to stop the energy and be a lazy bug again partly because if i stare for i while and just space out, everything that i regretted keeps on coming back to my head like morse code. i can even clearly remember a scence which happened to me a long time ago with micheal vialoces. that scence was when i looked at him in the face and told him the we should break up. and he said okay and at that instant, i was not emotional. but i guess time has something to do with emotions. it either lessens it or it sharpens its edge. so by the time i was able to come back to the batinguel house before dinner; i had already regretted letting him go.

another memory i remember was the time i went to dexter’s hous eand saw his cute nephews. it made me realize that i was really bad to him. i did not treat him nice but then these cute 3year old babies just hugged my leg out of nowhere as if i was part of there family. and it was a sad thought because that night and that instant was my last chance to visit his family because it was the time we let go of each other.

i remeber every instance when i let go of somebody. and those instance where never easy. and i guess liza loab was right when she wrote her lyrics saying "the time between meaning and finally leaving is sometimes called falling in love" because these moments doesn’t smudge out, it always gets sharpen by time no matter how hard one tries to soften it.